I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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