i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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