I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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