when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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