Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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