we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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