i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
