Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Its about making memories worth repressing
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
