Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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