3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Randomize
