you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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