dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
