I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
