I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
