I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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