I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
