The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
