Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
