My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
