Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
