Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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