i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
