remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
