Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
