My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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