Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
