Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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