Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
