1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
MIDGETS
????
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
