i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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