So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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