Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
