Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm getting married
To pizza
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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