Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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