No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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