i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
