PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
