just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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