there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Randomize
