Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
