I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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