Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
