I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
