you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
