i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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