Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
