he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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