I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Screwed.edu
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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