Come see our sink grown plant.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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