What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Duck Duck Cougar?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
