"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
