I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
found the other keg... it's in the tree
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
