I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
