The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
