There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
