dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
