she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
