I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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