I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
