i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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