i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
