I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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