cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
