And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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