Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
