go do what you do best...puke behind churches
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
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