Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
