what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
