Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
