So drunk its hurt
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Randomize
