Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
