So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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