He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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