I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
