this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
